The Ramblings of a Mental Meanderthal

I've been chowing down on Nissin and Maruchan brands of ramen since I was a kid, but it's really bad for you, so I'm trying to find ramen that has a modicum of nutrition. So I'm trying different brands, different toppings, adding some stuff, and letting you know how it turns out. (Really, it's so I remember not to buy the stuff I don't like when I shop again.) I'm a wuss when it comes to heat (picante), so I'm not trying flavors I obviously won't like. This is 50-year-old white lady ramen. First up! Mike's Mighty Good Craft Ramen, Vegetarian Vegetable Ramen Soup! This is a cup of noodles, and the ball of noodles inside is very small. Like, fold a pair of socks that fit a four-year-old kid into a ball, and that's the size of this ball of noodles. It comes with a spice packet and an oil packet that I add after the noodles cook for six minutes. It has a lot of taste. People who like peppers will probably enjoy the flavor, but it didn't suit

So I started working at the bank when I was 21. Several months later, they sent a kid from another branch to substitute for someone going on vacation. He was younger than me, and I didn’t fancy him, but he was handsome and personable. Turns out he’d started working for the bank a couple weeks after I did. He rocketed up the ladder and ended up a branch president five minutes after he earned his bachelor’s while I was still struggling to prove I was good enough to be a new accounts rep. He was sweet, and he had good taste in clothes. He had a pair of shoes that, on two occasions years apart, I complimented him on … and he wore them for the rest of that week. Ah, the power I have over men. (The only power.) I haven’t seen him since 2005, when I quit to work at the library. Like I said, I never had a crush on him, but every time I heard Sixpence None the Richer’s song “Kiss Me,” with its line You’ll wear those shoes, and I will wear that dress , it reminded me of him. The s

"I wish I had a river I could skate away on." Joni Mitchell

Back in September, I said was not looking forward to Christmas. For the most part, everything I said would happen happened. Social media is tough, because you see presents, trees, matching pajamas, and actual families getting together. The best things I experienced today were Chinese food and two naps.  Dad talks a good fight in an attempt to make December 25 about my birthday. I appreciate his intentions. I cannot separate my birthday from Christmas in my mind, so a refusal to observe the latter just leaves me with an unprecedented sense of loss and loneliness. I managed to escape some of it yesterday by watching Man of Steel , which I think is a pretty good film, and Batman vs. Superman , which has its moments but is just weird. Even as I was thinking "This movie is so bad," at least I wasn't wallowing in my grief. I was eating junk food and disintegrating in front of the computer, but at least I haven't succumbed to getting drunk. If I ever started drinking alcohol

I have a Christmas birthday. This year is a ends-in-zero year, so it's a milestone of sorts. It'll be the first birthday and the first Christmas since Mom died. Dad doesn't celebrate Christmas, won't wish me a merry Christmas, and sneers when I wish him a merry Christmas. I get a "Happy birthday," though he hasn't done presents in ages, and Chinese food delivered. Last Christmas, Dad and I went to church and then went to the rehab center where Mom was. Dad saw her unconscious and struggling to breathe and demanded a ride to 7-11 so he could get a lot of beer and get drunk. The next day, I got an earful of complaints about how awful it was for him to see her like that. I got to see her like that at least once a week. Yes, Dad. It's awful. When he was well enough to drive himself 250 miles each way to visit my brother in prison, Mom and I encouraged him to go and visit his son. Partly, it was to encourage him to do something he really wanted, but mostly,

It's Mother's Day. Mom has been on my mind every minute today. She is most days, except when work keeps me too busy to think, or I've been able to lose myself while reading or watching something. I just went to the kitchen to consider dinner options. I opened the fridge and started sobbing. No clue where it came from; it just hit me like a train. I have a friend Ellie, who also works with the kids at church. Her mother died two weeks before mine. Their relationship was tough, due to her mom's abuse and undiagnosed mental illnesses. Ellie is the oldest daughter, so she did a lot of the work of raising her siblings. So her experience as a daughter was very dissimilar to mine. But she still has grief today, too. The men took over the kids' Sunday School hour today. No classes, just playing a version of baseball with the kids' singing determining their team's progress around the bases. Neither Ellie nor I wanted to be with the women being celebrated in the churc