The Ramblings of a Mental Meanderthal

Lemme start by saying that Mormons don't do Lent. It is something Christians picked up in the first few centuries after the New Testament, but it isn't in the Bible itself, except for the actual deed Lent is based on: Christ fasting for forty days in the wilderness before His death and resurrection. But some Mormons observe it anyway. I have started a number of times, but the first time I decided to observe Lent was the only time I was even remotely successful. I went meatless from Ash Wednesday to Easter Morning, except for five or six occasions when I chose to eat meat or had no other option at someone else's house. It was an interesting exercise, mostly living on cold cereal, salads, pasta, cheese, and beans. For once, I thought of Lent before Fat Tuesday and decided to remind myself what it's about. I started by listing the dates of Lent on my whiteboard and then a lot of goals I could set for myself. Then I Googled "Mormon Lent" and just "Lent."...

While I managed to surpass my quota of reading 52 books in 2020, I did not finish either the Reading Glasses Challenge or the Professional Book Nerds Challenge for last year. It bugs me a little because I don't like to leave reading challenges undone -- if I can't succeed at reading , I won't succeed at anything! -- but it was a hell of a year. (Like this one hasn't been, but that's another story.) I made a spreadsheet for the 2021 reading challenges from Reading Glasses, the Professional Book Nerds, and PopSugar. I may finish the first two, but I highly doubt I will do all fifty of the last one. But I'm keeping track anyway. I also set a quota of fifty-two books at Goodreads. GR doesn't discriminate between new-to-me books and rereads; if it's in their database and I've read it this year, it counts. (I went back and checked my 2020 books on GR; At least sixty were new to me. I'm not sure about the Lumberjanes comic book series, because I'd r...

So I've been making this cake for over 35 years. Literally! I entered it in a baking contest through my city's parks and recreation when I was eleven. (It got the blue ribbon.) The recipe says to bake it in a 9x13 Pyrex and slap buttercream frosting on the top, but I wanted to increase the frosting-to-cake ratio by making it as a layer cake. I tried it tonight, and the result was delicious. INGREDIENTS 1 Duncan Hines spice cake mix 1 can Comstock apple pie filling 2 eggs 1/4 cup vegetable oil INSTRUCTIONS FOR A GLASS 9x13 PAN Preheat the oven to 350 F. Pour the oil into the pan and tilt to spread, covering the bottom and sides. pour pie filling, eggs, and cake mix directly into the pan and mix with a fork. The mix usually has lumps, so this may take a while. Bake for 40-50 minutes. The toothpick test works on this cake. Cool completely in the pan. Frost with buttercream or cinnamon buttercream frosting (see below). INSTRUCTIONS FOR A LAYER CAKE Preheat the oven to 350F (325 F i...

So if I get a calling (job) in Primary (kids' Sunday School), I can influence a few dozen kids to become feminists who do my bidding and use their limitless energy to take over a small country, yes? Awesome. I always wanted minions. Joking aside, I am not a child person. I am not a person who is thrilled at new interactions with an ex boyfriend who got a little creepy after the relationship ended. (I've been asked to be the music director, and he's the pianist.) But I am a music person. And I wouldn't get thrown into the deep end, because church will be via Zoom for at least another six months (probably), and I can learn the ropes in the interim. If I decide to do it. I can say no.

When I was 20, about to turn 21, I worked at a dry cleaners. The day before Thanksgiving, Dad drove me to work. I usually drove myself, but he needed the car that day. I walked in, and the boss put a frozen turkey in my arms. It had to weigh twenty pounds. I had no idea what to do with the damn thing. Dad had already left, and the turkey was bigger than our employee fridge. So it sat on the floor and defrosted, surrounded by an ever-increasing puddle of condensation. By the time Dad arrived, it had thawed through. Mom looked at it and decided we'd cook it instead of the smaller one she'd bought. (I don't remember what we did with the spare.) Because it was mine, she said I was going to cook it. I don't remember much beyond getting up early, being slightly freaked out by the innards inside the cavities, searching the exterior for feather remnants, and Mom looking satisfied that she wouldn't spend the whole day on her feet. She supervised and instructed, and she still...

This is a take on "funeral potatoes," which is a Mormon thing. Someone I follow at Twitter asked for the recipe. I had to call Auntie to get exact quantities and sizes, as Mom's old recipe card is not very precise. INGREDIENTS 1 cube (1/2 lb) salted butter 1 can condensed cream of chicken soup, 10 1/2 oz. 16 oz. sour cream (pint) bunch of green onions, chopped (use all of the white and most of the green) 3/4 lb. shredded cheddar cheese (a good brand that melts well, like Tillamook) 2 1/2 lbs. russet potatoes, peeled, boiled, and cooled INSTRUCTIONS Peel the potatoes and cut into pieces about half the size of your fist. Do your best to make the potato sizes uniform on at least one axis; it doesn't matter if they are rounds in two or six inches in diameter, so long as the thickness is the same. Put them in a large pot, cover entirely with cold water, and throw in a tablespoon of salt or a bouillon cube (I like Knorr's vegetable). Put the pot on the stove on high hea...

Warning: please don't expect me to be 100% coherent at 4 am. After four weeks of having a stationary bike and riding it most days, I finally sat down and Googled a few exercise terms to find out what kinds of cardio workouts there are and which ones I think would be best for me, how often I should do them, and all that. (The bike has an odometer to keep track of how many "miles" it's been ridden. I hit 75 miles tonight. 75 miles in less than a month; I am a boss . And then I Googled how many calories in a pound and in an ounce, and according to the bike's calorie counter, I lost a single ounce. That brought me back from any grandiose sense of pride.) My goal tonight was to maintain a speed of 10-11 mph in sixth gear (the bike has eight settings, with eight being the most difficult), and I probably managed it about half the time. The bike has pulse sensors in the handles, so if I grip it steadily for a full minute, I can get an idea of my pulse rate. (I hat...