my slow development of shoe lust and my even slower realization that fat =/= ugly
For the first 36 years of my life, I have not really cared much about shoes. (I have friends who would faint upon reading that.) Or clothes in general. I have been fat and therefore ugly since I was eleven, and all I've wanted my whole life was to fade into the wallpaper.
(I know the "therefore ugly" part isn't true. I only realized that recently, and I still have my moments, but they're fewer and farther between than before.)
If I did obsess about any of my garb, it was always pajamas. Pajamas are comfortable, casual, and cute, which is pretty much what I try to be on a daily basis. On the days I don't plan on going out at all, I shower and put on ... clean pajamas. When I'm coming in for the last time from being out, pajamas are the first thing I do after putting cold stuff in the fridge (if I've been shopping) and getting the mail.
And when I'm out and about, most of my outfits follow the rule of keeping to one color from shoulders to shoes, or at least no huge variations between light and dark. If I have a burgundy vest, then I wear brown trousers. Black dress = black hose and black shoes. Today it's a navy sweater vest, dark denim jeans, and dark blue Keds. The navy-blue-grey-white stripe shirt provides some interest in the sleeves and collar, but other than that, the outfit is rather dull. I liked these sweater vests a lot more last year when my hair was long ... now that it's so short, I feel less feminine, or like I'm trying to look like a man.
The all-one-color rule comes from reading the word "slimming" too much. I look at myself in photos and in the mirror and think, There is not a single item of clothing in the world that can make me look slim. I'm not looking for slim, because my clothes all have tags with size numbers like 26, 28, 30, and 4X ... slim ain't happening. I am morbidly obese, so I think I can dump the word "slimming" from my goals. But there are clothes out there that can help me emphasize the parts I like (yay tits and shapely legs) and downplay the stuff I don't want to call attention to (Santa belly). I even like the fact that I have a butt and hips, but the size of my butt keeps me from wearing long and A-line skirts because the hemlines end up about three inches higher in back.
Instant gratification takes too long, but in this case, success can only come a little at a time because I don't have the means to spend pots and pots of money on a bunch of new clothes all at once. More importantly, clothes aren't the only thing I need to spend money on anyway. My tastes haven't changed much; I'm always going to dress modestly and conservatively because that's who I am. But at the same time, I feel the need to be brave. Thanks to a friend and her Matters Sartorial posts at LiveJournal, I've started following a few fashion blogs including Fashion for Nerds and Already Pretty. Both of these women are much smaller than I am, so there's a lot that suits them that won't suit me, but I'm not trying to emulate what they're wearing so much as I'm paying attention to how they put themselves together every day. I like the risks they take and how put together they are.
So what do I already have that's awesome? Brown, three-inch wedges. Beautifully fitting dark denim jeans. Black boots that come up to the bottoms of my knees. A black beret. Two fantastic dresses, one in solid black and one in a wild blue print. Half a dozen pashmina-type wraps/scarves.Lots of pajamas and a pair of bunny slippers. There's other stuff, but these are my favorites.
And where do I go from here? Well, I have some shoes I'm returning (cute but too tight), and I'll exchange them for a pair of Oxford lace-up shoes to go with the dark denim jeans, which are long enough to accommodate the inch-and-a-half heels. And I can't go wrong with a long-sleeved, button-down white shirt, especially when I love sweaters and sweater vests over collared shirts. Third is going to be a pair of RED flats from Torrid (major shoe lust with these), then hair accessories from Anthropologie (or less expensive knockoffs from Claire's) and a couple of skirts for work and church. (I'll be more comfortable with these boxy sweater vests if I'm wearing skirts.) And somewhere along the line, I need a pair of black trousers for work and dates and another pair of dark denim jeans (same style because they look fabulous). It'll probably take me till June to get this far, but I'm looking forward to getting started.
(I know the "therefore ugly" part isn't true. I only realized that recently, and I still have my moments, but they're fewer and farther between than before.)
If I did obsess about any of my garb, it was always pajamas. Pajamas are comfortable, casual, and cute, which is pretty much what I try to be on a daily basis. On the days I don't plan on going out at all, I shower and put on ... clean pajamas. When I'm coming in for the last time from being out, pajamas are the first thing I do after putting cold stuff in the fridge (if I've been shopping) and getting the mail.
And when I'm out and about, most of my outfits follow the rule of keeping to one color from shoulders to shoes, or at least no huge variations between light and dark. If I have a burgundy vest, then I wear brown trousers. Black dress = black hose and black shoes. Today it's a navy sweater vest, dark denim jeans, and dark blue Keds. The navy-blue-grey-white stripe shirt provides some interest in the sleeves and collar, but other than that, the outfit is rather dull. I liked these sweater vests a lot more last year when my hair was long ... now that it's so short, I feel less feminine, or like I'm trying to look like a man.
The all-one-color rule comes from reading the word "slimming" too much. I look at myself in photos and in the mirror and think, There is not a single item of clothing in the world that can make me look slim. I'm not looking for slim, because my clothes all have tags with size numbers like 26, 28, 30, and 4X ... slim ain't happening. I am morbidly obese, so I think I can dump the word "slimming" from my goals. But there are clothes out there that can help me emphasize the parts I like (yay tits and shapely legs) and downplay the stuff I don't want to call attention to (Santa belly). I even like the fact that I have a butt and hips, but the size of my butt keeps me from wearing long and A-line skirts because the hemlines end up about three inches higher in back.
Instant gratification takes too long, but in this case, success can only come a little at a time because I don't have the means to spend pots and pots of money on a bunch of new clothes all at once. More importantly, clothes aren't the only thing I need to spend money on anyway. My tastes haven't changed much; I'm always going to dress modestly and conservatively because that's who I am. But at the same time, I feel the need to be brave. Thanks to a friend and her Matters Sartorial posts at LiveJournal, I've started following a few fashion blogs including Fashion for Nerds and Already Pretty. Both of these women are much smaller than I am, so there's a lot that suits them that won't suit me, but I'm not trying to emulate what they're wearing so much as I'm paying attention to how they put themselves together every day. I like the risks they take and how put together they are.
So what do I already have that's awesome? Brown, three-inch wedges. Beautifully fitting dark denim jeans. Black boots that come up to the bottoms of my knees. A black beret. Two fantastic dresses, one in solid black and one in a wild blue print. Half a dozen pashmina-type wraps/scarves.
And where do I go from here? Well, I have some shoes I'm returning (cute but too tight), and I'll exchange them for a pair of Oxford lace-up shoes to go with the dark denim jeans, which are long enough to accommodate the inch-and-a-half heels. And I can't go wrong with a long-sleeved, button-down white shirt, especially when I love sweaters and sweater vests over collared shirts. Third is going to be a pair of RED flats from Torrid (major shoe lust with these), then hair accessories from Anthropologie (or less expensive knockoffs from Claire's) and a couple of skirts for work and church. (I'll be more comfortable with these boxy sweater vests if I'm wearing skirts.) And somewhere along the line, I need a pair of black trousers for work and dates and another pair of dark denim jeans (same style because they look fabulous). It'll probably take me till June to get this far, but I'm looking forward to getting started.
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